i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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