I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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