Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
