girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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