I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
