she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
