i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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