he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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