Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
