Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
