What did we do last night that was yellow?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
