My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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