come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
