I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
