he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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