If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
