Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
