And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
