sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
