I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
