Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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