We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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