What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
