is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
