Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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