At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
