so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize