My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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