my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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