im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
