Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
