I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
