I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize