Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
