apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
