fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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