worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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