Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
