i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
