Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
