Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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