I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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