I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
