ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
