it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
