Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize