I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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