I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
