Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
