I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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