I like my sex mixed with concussions.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize