we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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