i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize