we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize