The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
