I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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