you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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