It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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