So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
