3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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