and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
