I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
