I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize