Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize