I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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