I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
