Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
