Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have post one night stand depression
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
