I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
