Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
