I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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