I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
