I seem to have left my pride at pride
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
