apparently the secret to your success is patron
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
