I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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