I've blown a few things in my day
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
