He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
