I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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